Couples’ Sex Therapy Intensive

What we’ll do together —

Resolve Sexual Disagreements and Feel Understood by Each Other

Talking openly about sex can be difficult, even with someone you love and trust.

Maybe you grew up in a family where sex was never discussed, or where expressing sexual curiosity or desire was treated as embarrassing or inappropriate.

Now you struggle to find the words to explain what you want, what you don't enjoy, or what you're afraid your partner will think. You may avoid bringing up certain subjects altogether because you're worried about how the conversation will go.

I can help you have those conversations together, including expressing sexual preferences, discussing concerns about your sexual relationship, and addressing assumptions you’ve made about each other’s desires or intentions.

For other couples, conversations about sex happen frequently, but they tend to end in arguments or hurt feelings.

For example, if one of you is struggling with erections and your partner asks whether you’re still attracted to them, the conversation can quickly become hurtful for both of you.

Your partner is looking for reassurance, but you may hear the question as further evidence that you’re disappointing them. You might become defensive or shut down, leaving your partner even more uncertain about what’s happening.

Using my training in couples therapy, I’ll intervene while these disagreements are happening.

I’ll help you recognize the embarrassment, fear, and insecurity influencing your reactions, then guide you in expressing those experiences directly to each other. 

We’ll also work on how you respond when your partner shares something difficult, so that both of you have a better opportunity to feel understood.

Rather than repeatedly having conversations that leave one or both of you feeling hurt or dismissed, you can begin discussing sexual concerns more openly, addressing disagreements without the same defensiveness, and making decisions about intimacy that take both partners’ needs into account.

Address Sexual Pain and Sexual Functioning Difficulties

I work with couples experiencing sexual pain, difficulties with arousal or orgasm, erection concerns, and ejaculation difficulties.

You may have already tried different positions, changed how you initiate sex, or followed advice about taking the pressure off intercourse and orgasm. Maybe you’ve sought medical treatment or read about techniques that are supposed to improve sexual functioning.

But you’re still having trouble enjoying sex together, and you’re not sure what to try next.

My training in sex therapy, trauma treatment, and medical family therapy allows me to look beyond the symptoms you’re experiencing and examine the different factors that may be contributing to them.

For example, an erection difficulty may have begun for a medical reason, but repeated experiences of losing an erection can also create anxiety that makes it harder to become or stay aroused.

Or pain during intercourse may have led to fear of future pain, making it difficult to relax and enjoy other forms of sexual touch, even when penetration isn’t involved.

I’ll work with you to address the psychological and relationship factors that are keeping these difficulties going. That may involve treating anxiety associated with sexual activity, addressing distressing sexual experiences, or working with both partners on the responses that have made intimacy increasingly frustrating.

My goal is to address the anxiety, distressing experiences, and relationship responses that are interfering with your sexual functioning, so you have a better opportunity to enjoy intimacy without the same worries and frustrations.

Because sexual functioning can also be affected by medical conditions, I’ll recommend appropriate medical evaluation when needed. We can address the emotional and relationship effects of sexual pain or functioning concerns alongside any medical care you receive.

If you’re experiencing chronic pelvic pain or painful sex and would prefer to address your symptoms individually, I also offer therapy for chronic pelvic pain and painful sex alongside your medical treatment.

Build a Sexual Relationship You Both Enjoy

You may have already tried scheduling sex, talking about what turns you on, or experimenting with different kinds of touch. Perhaps you’ve followed advice about spending more time together or trying to make sex more exciting. But those efforts haven’t changed the desire difference or how much pleasure you experience.

My training in sex therapy allows me to distinguish between different reasons that sexual desire and enjoyment may be limited, then address the factors that are relevant to your relationship.

When you have different levels of sexual desire, I don’t automatically assume the partner who wants sex less frequently needs to change. I’ll consider how both partners experience desire, what makes intimacy appealing or uncomfortable for each of you, and how your responses to those differences have affected your sexual relationship.

For example, some people rarely experience a spontaneous desire for sex but can become interested and aroused under circumstances that feel pleasurable and comfortable. Others find that anxiety, resentment, or previous sexual experiences make it difficult to become interested even when they want to enjoy intimacy.

Those situations call for different approaches.

If your desire tends to develop after affectionate or sexual contact begins, we can work on creating experiences that allow interest and arousal to develop without either partner feeling pressured to continue.

If anxiety or negative sexual experiences are interfering with pleasure, I can address those responses directly rather than expecting you to overcome them by having more sex.

And if you’ve spent years having sex that primarily revolves around one partner’s preferences, we can address the factors that make it difficult for both of you to participate in ways that feel pleasurable and satisfying.

Rather than asking you to keep trying strategies that haven’t worked, I’ll focus treatment on the specific barriers affecting your desire and pleasure. That may mean addressing anxiety or previous sexual experiences, changing expectations that interfere with arousal, or working with both of you to develop sexual experiences that are genuinely enjoyable and wanted.

Overcome Sexual Shame or Sexual Trauma and Enjoy Intimacy Together

You may have already reconsidered the beliefs you grew up with, but still feel guilty expressing sexual desire, asking for pleasure, or saying no to your partner. Understanding where those reactions came from hasn’t necessarily made them go away.

My background in sex therapy and trauma treatment allows me to work directly with the fear, shame, and distressing experiences that continue to affect your sexual relationship.

For example, if you feel ashamed asking for something you enjoy, we can address the emotional reactions that make expressing your desires uncomfortable. The goal is for you to feel confident telling your partner what you want and enjoy the experience without feeling embarrassed or guilty afterward.

If religious teachings about sexual obligation have made it difficult to say no to sex, we can work toward being able to make choices about intimacy without feeling that you’re failing your partner. We’ll also address how your partner responds, so that both of you can express desires and boundaries without creating resentment or pressure.

And if religion has affected other parts of your life beyond sexual intimacy, I also provide religious trauma therapy for individuals and couples who want help addressing the lasting effects of harmful religious experiences.

For couples who have struggled to experience sexual pleasure comfortably, treatment can also focus on becoming more receptive to arousal, enjoying sexual touch, and participating in sexual experiences because you genuinely want to.