Emotionally Focused Couples therapy for marriages where one partner is deconstructing or has left the faith
Couples Therapy for Faith Deconstruction and Faith Transitions in Washington State
Conversations About Faith Used to Unite You
You used to share the same faith, the same church, the same understanding of how to live and raise your kids. That shared foundation was part of why you chose each other.
Now one of you has changed. Maybe you've stopped going to church, started questioning everything, realized you can't keep living by rules that don't make sense anymore. And your partner is still there, still believing, watching you become someone they don't recognize.
And your conversations about it end badly: you try to explain what you're going through and your partner shuts down or gets defensive. They try to tell you how scared they are and you feel pressured to go back to who you were.
Or, you've both just stopped talking about it altogether because you know exactly how it will go.
If you’re in Washington State and your marriage is struggling because your beliefs have diverged, you don't have to figure this out alone.
Learn more about how couples therapy for faith transitions works and what to expect.
Why this is so painful for both of you
If you're the one who stayed in the faith:
You feel betrayed. This wasn't the deal. You're sitting alone at church on Sundays now, the only one taking the kids to religious education, the only one who seems to care about any of this. You're terrified about what this means for your children, scared this is just the beginning, afraid your partner might leave the marriage too.
If you're the one who left or is leaving:
You feel trapped. You can't talk about what you're thinking or reading without your partner getting hurt or angry. You feel guilty because you know this isn't what they signed up for. You're isolated - your faith community pulled away when you started questioning, and now your spouse feels like a stranger too.
Both of you are grieving:
The believing partner is grieving the marriage they thought they'd have, the shared spiritual life, the partner who believed the same things. The deconstructing partner is grieving their former self, their certainty, their community. And neither of you can hold space for the other's grief because you're drowning in your own.
Practical decisions have become potential fights:
It used to be obvious what you'd do on Sunday morning, which holidays you'd celebrate and how, what values you'd teach your kids. Now every one of those decisions is a negotiation or a fight. Do the kids go to church? Do you say grace before meals? Do you tithe? Do you attend your partner's family baptism?
Simple questions that used to have automatic answers now require exhausting conversations that often end with someone hurt or resentful.
How Couples Therapy Addresses Faith Transitions
I use Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) as the foundation, integrated with somatic and trauma-informed approaches. The work focuses on learning how to stay deeply connected while holding different beliefs.
We slow down the moments when you start to feel threatened by your partner's difference. We work with what's underneath: the fear of losing each other, the fear that you can't both be yourselves and stay together. You learn to see your partner's fear instead of just their position.
How Your Relationship Changes
You stop hiding what you're actually thinking just to keep the peace. You bring up something you've been reading about faith over dinner, and your partner asks a question instead of going quiet. An hour later you're on the couch together instead of in separate rooms.
You make real decisions together about the kids, holidays, and money instead of one person always caving and resenting it later. You sit down to figure out whether your daughter stays in youth group, and you hear each other's concerns instead of each person lobbying for their position. You find something you can both live with, and it feels like something you decided together.
Your partner comes home from church on Sunday and tells you about the sermon, and it feels like part of their day instead of an invitation to come back. You mention what you did with your morning, and they're curious instead of threatened.
Your in-laws bring up your family's church attendance at a holiday dinner, and instead of one of you deflecting while the other fumes, you handle it together. On the drive home, you debrief as partners instead of blaming each other for how it went.
You start to untangle the purity culture shame and rigid beliefs about sex that have been quietly running your intimacy for years, and your physical relationship starts to feel like connection again instead of another place where you're not on the same page.
You stop bracing for the conversation that ends the marriage. Faith is still a difference between you, but it stops being the thing that defines whether you’ll make it.
Telehealth Couples Therapy Throughout Washington
I work with couples navigating faith deconstruction and mixed-faith marriages across Washington State, including in Seattle, Bellevue and the Eastside, Tacoma, Vancouver, and Spokane.
For couples coming out of conservative religious communities, telehealth offers something an office can’t: privacy. There’s no waiting room, no parking lot, no chance of running into someone from your former congregation. You do the work from home, on your own terms.
In-person sessions are available at my Bothell office through summer 2026.
Serving couples throughout Washington State via telehealth
Including Yakima, Tri-Cities (Kennewick, Richland, Pasco), Walla Walla, Wenatchee, Pullman, Moses Lake, Ellensburg, Bellingham, Olympia, Longview, Centralia, Port Angeles, Bremerton, Mount Vernon, Anacortes, and surrounding areas.
Who is this for?
This approach works for Washington State couples where:
You built your relationship on shared religious beliefs and now one or both of you has changed
One partner is deconstructing or has left the faith while the other is still in it
Purity culture teachings are affecting your sexual relationship
You're struggling with parenting decisions because you disagree about what to teach your kids
You're dealing with pressure from extended family or your former faith community
You want to stay together but don't know how to be different and still connected
This works best when both partners are committed to staying in the relationship and willing to learn how to be different instead of needing the other person to change back.
This won’t work well if one partner is using faith changes as a cover for wanting to leave, if there's spiritual abuse or control happening, or if one person is completely unwilling to respect the other's right to hold different beliefs.
Questions?
FAQs About Couples Therapy for Faith & Identity Changes
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Couples sessions are $350 for 50 minutes. I don't accept insurance directly. For couples work, I use a relational diagnosis code that most insurance plans won't cover even out of network, so sessions typically come out of pocket. If you have an HSA or FSA account, those funds can usually be used. I recommend checking with your plan administrator first to confirm.
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No. I don’t have an agenda for what you believe or where your faith lands. The deconstructing partner sometimes worries I'll pathologize their questions or try to bring them back to faith. The believing partner sometimes worries I'll side with the deconstructing one. Neither of those is how I work. My job is to help you stay connected to each other through this, not to decide who is right about God, faith, or religion. Both of your experiences are real, both of your fears are valid, and I hold space for both without steering either of you toward a particular conclusion.
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Most couples in this situation have already been to a pastor, a church counselor, or a general therapist who didn't fully understand the dynamics at play. Pastoral counseling often has an implicit goal of bringing the questioning partner back to faith. General couples therapy may address communication but miss the grief, identity loss, and nervous system responses that make faith transitions so destabilizing for a marriage. I specialize in this intersection — EFT for the relationship, somatic and trauma-informed work for what's happening in your bodies when these conversations go sideways, and a deep understanding of what deconstruction actually does to a couple. You don't have to explain what purity culture is or why leaving church feels like losing your entire world.
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That's a real possibility, and I won't pretend otherwise. The goal of this work is to help you see each other clearly enough to make a real decision about your future. Most couples I work with find that when they can actually hear each other’s fears instead of just each other’s positions, the gap between them is smaller than it seemed during the fights. But if you go through this process and decide you’ve genuinely grown in different directions, you’ll make that decision from a place of understanding rather than reactivity.
About Ingrid Johnston, LMFT, MDFT
EFT couples therapist in Washington
I’ve been working with individuals and couples since 2014, with specialized training in trauma, somatic therapy, and faith transitions. I hold a Master of Science in Marriage and Family Therapy and advanced certification in Medical Family Therapy and Collaborative Medicine from Seattle Pacific University.
My approach integrates EMDR, somatic therapy, and Emotion-Focused Therapy (EFT), evidence-based modalities specifically effective for religious trauma and complex PTSD. I’ve completed over 100 hours of specialized training in trauma treatment and body-based healing.
Beyond my clinical training, my work is informed by my own lived experience. I grew up immersed in traditional Christian faith. I’ve navigated my own path through chronic pain, somatic healing, and decades of mindfulness and meditation practices. I understand what it's like to rebuild trust in your body and intuition after being taught they couldn’t be trusted.
I’m a member of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT) and the Washington Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (WAMFT).
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist: Washington State License #LF61033631
Get In Touch
Contact Ingrid
Please complete the form, and I will be in touch within 48 business hours.
Office and mailing address:
19803 North Creek Parkway, Suite 205
Bothell, WA 98011
In-person in Bothell & online across Washington