Trauma-Informed Emotionally Focused (EFT) Couples Therapy In Bothell and Online Throughout Washington
Couples Therapy for Conflict in Washington
For Conflict that Keeps Repeating
Every couple has disagreements. But if you’re here, what’s happening between you and your partner probably doesn’t feel like a normal disagreement. The same fight keeps showing up, sometimes about money, sometimes about the kids, sometimes about something trivial like the dishes, and it ends the same way.
One of you goes quiet, and the other pushes harder for resolution. Or you both say things you regret, and then spend the next few days in a careful but tense truce until it happens again.
You've tried to fix it. You've had the late-night conversations, tried being more patient, maybe picked up a book about relationships. Some couples in Washington have already tried therapy and found that the communication tools helped for a few weeks before the same pattern reasserted itself. The effort is real, but the frustration when nothing changes is real too.
What most couples don't realize is that their reactions during these fights, the shutting down, the escalating, the going completely blank at the worst possible moment, are being driven by something that moves faster than any communication skill. Your body has learned to respond to certain kinds of tension in automatic ways, and those responses kick in before you've had a chance to think. That's why knowing what you should say doesn't help when your chest is tight and your partner is staring at you waiting for a response you can't find.
Couples therapy that works with those automatic responses, rather than trying to talk over them, can change what your next argument looks like and what happens after it.
Read more about my approach to couples therapy here.
How My Approach to Couples Therapy Helps
I use Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) as my primary approach, combined with body-based (somatic) work and practical coaching from Gottman Method and Relational Life Therapy.
Rather than starting with communication techniques, we start with the pattern between you: what happens when things go sideways, who does what, and what each of you is protecting underneath the surface conflict.
Most couples are surprised to realize that the fight about the dishes or the schedule or the in-laws is really about something deeper, questions like “can I count on you?” and “do I matter to you?” that neither of you is saying out loud.
Once you can both see the pattern clearly, we practice doing it differently, in the session, with real issues, not hypothetical ones. You leave having experienced something new with each other, which gives your body a reference point the next time tension comes up at home.
For the full explanation of how this work unfolds across the early, middle, and later phases of couples therapy, see more about my approach to Couples Therapy for Conflict here.
What changes when couples therapy reaches the root underneath the conflict?
A couple in Bothell navigates a conversation about money without the defensive wall going up. They don't agree on the solution yet, but they're in the conversation together instead of fighting from opposite sides of it.
A couple in Olympia gets through a hard stretch, a job loss on top of an ongoing health issue, and instead of retreating to separate corners of the house for weeks, they lean on each other. The hard season brings them closer because they've learned how to reach each other when things get stressful.
A couple in Bellingham stops performing their marriage for the people around them and starts actually living in it. The decisions about weekend plans, the kids' schedules, how to handle the holidays, happen without someone always giving in to keep the peace.
A couple in Lynnwood has a bad fight on a Friday night, the kind that used to ruin the whole weekend, and by Saturday morning they're talking about what happened. Not pretending it didn't happen, not still punishing each other, but actually coming back to each other.
A couple in Issaquah has the conversation about faith they've been avoiding for two years, the one where one partner is questioning everything and the other is scared about what it means for their family. They both say what’s true. They don't resolve it that night, but they stay connected through the disagreement, and the rest of the week feels different.
Physical intimacy, across all of these couples, shifts from something loaded or avoided to something that feels like genuine closeness.
Who This Couples Therapy Approach Is For
This works for couples throughout Washington State where the same conflict keeps replaying regardless of the topic. When your reactions during fights feel bigger than the situation warrants, when one partner shuts down and the other escalates, when you go blank at the exact moments you most need to be present, when chronic pain or health issues are creating tension, withdrawal, or resentment, or when you've tried couples therapy before but the tools don't hold up when emotions run high.
I also work with couples where faith changes, mixed-faith dynamics, or purity culture aftermath affect your intimacy and connection. If one or both of you are questioning what you were raised to believe, those issues often need their own focused work within the couples therapy process. See my page on couples therapy for faith and identity changes here.
This approach to couples therapy will not work well if:
There’s active abuse happening between you: physical, emotional, or verbal
Substance abuse or active addiction is the primary issue
Either partner is unwilling to look at their own role and contributions to the conflict.
Couples Therapy Throughout Washington State via Telehealth
I see couples across Washington State through secure, HIPAA-compliant video sessions. You can both be on the same screen in the same room, or join from separate devices if that works better for a particular session. Most couples find that doing this work from home actually helps because you're practicing new ways of being with each other in the space where the real conflicts happen.
I work with couples from Bellingham to Vancouver, from Seattle to Spokane, and everywhere in between, including areas like Olympia, the Tri-Cities, Yakima, and Walla Walla where finding a specialist in this kind of couples work locally can be difficult. Sessions are available during daytime and evening hours.
If you’re in Seattle, Bellevue and the Eastside, Tacoma, Vancouver, or Spokane, you can find information specific to couples therapy for conflict in your area.
Serving couples throughout Washington State via secure telehealth, including Seattle, Bellevue, Kirkland, Redmond, Tacoma, Puyallup, Olympia, Vancouver, Camas, Ridgefield, Spokane, Bellingham, Everett, Federal Way, Renton, Kennewick, Yakima, and surrounding areas across Washington.
Schedule Your First Session
Schedule Your First Session
Questions?
FAQs About Trauma-Informed EFT Couples Therapy for Conflict and Communication
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Couples sessions are $350. I don't accept insurance directly, but I can provide a superbill for you to submit to your insurance for possible out-of-network reimbursement. Please see my FAQ page here for more information.
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Most couples therapy focuses on teaching communication skills, how to listen, how to compromise, how to fight fair. Those tools are useful when both people can stay calm enough to use them. But if one of you shuts down the moment conflict starts or the other floods with emotion and can’t stop, the skills don’t stick. This approach works with your nervous system responses first, so that the tools you already know become accessible when the conversation gets hard.
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You don’t need a trauma diagnosis to benefit from this work. If your reactions during fights feel bigger than the situation calls for, if one of you goes blank or the other can’t stop escalating, if the same argument keeps repeating with different content, those are signs that something deeper is getting activated. We figure out what’s driving the pattern together. Many couples discover connections they hadn’t seen before once we start looking at what’s happening in the body during those moments.
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That’s common, and it doesn't mean the other partner sits on the sidelines. When one person's nervous system is running protective interference, the other partner is affected whether they realize it or not. The partner without the history often feels confused, shut out, or like they’re always walking on eggshells. Both of you will learn how this dynamic works between you, and both of you develop new ways of responding.
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Yes. Chronic pain or illness often create a dynamic where one partner feels guilty or burdensome and the other feels helpless or resentful, and nobody talks about it directly. Intimacy changes, activities get dropped, and the relationship quietly reorganizes around the pain. We work with those dynamics directly. Learn more about chronic pain therapy here.
About Ingrid Johnston, LMFT, MDFT
EFT couples therapist in Washington
I’ve been working with couples since 2014, specializing in relationships where the conflict runs deeper than what communication tools alone can reach.
I’m trained in Emotionally Focused Therapy, EMDR, somatic therapy, and Pain Reprocessing Therapy, and I hold advanced certification in Medical Family Therapy from Seattle Pacific University.
I'm a member of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT) and the Washington Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (WAMFT).
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist: Washington State License #LF61033631
Get In Touch
Contact Ingrid
Please complete the form, and I will be in touch within 48 business hours.
Office and mailing address:
19803 North Creek Parkway, Suite 205
Bothell, WA 98011
In-person in Bothell & online across Washington